Soulmate!

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around.

You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant.

Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Addiction!

Music! I can live without breathing, not without music. I am not exaggerating. Not at all. First memorable memorable music concert of mine was in a hilly place called Attakatti near Pollachi. We had to take a boat from Coimbatore to reach this place. I was young, say probably in 8th grade, may be. My first fan, if I rememberly correctly, was my uncle . My mom's big brother. Seenu mama. He loved hearing me. Whenever I was around, he would say, "Nalini, sing". Whenever I happen to listen to a song, I will give my complete attention to it. My body, soul, every bit of nerve, everything would be immersed into it. When you become one with Music, there is no other feeling that can be that qualitative. Once I was driving in 80 miles speed in Ithaca, Newyork. One side is full of water, other side of the road is full of trees. My car stereo is at full volume with one of my favorite songs....One hand on the steering wheel and the other out in the window, wow, wow, what a feeling! It can only be felt and not expressed. But in music, so many voices, so many songs, so many types lured me. But I am a BIG fan of my dad's music. He used to play violin early morning around 5.00 am. Wow, uncomparable music and yet to see one soul on the globe to express the same amount of dedication and interest to that field! Dad is the best. Now I hear my son sing, catch up to all tunes faster, his favorite first song when he was 2 was, "Manthara tharare". Now he loves Usher, SnoopDog, Phil Collins, Eminem in addition to his all time favorites "Kurai Ondrum Illai", "Siva Rama Krishna", "Kannan Sonnadhenna".

Johnny Carson......

In 1990 October, during the second week, I watched for the first time Johnny Carson's stand up comedy. Wow one of the unforgettable moments are those and losing Johnny leave his show was the first blow, while trying to digest that with the entry of Jay Leno, David Letterman, losing Johnny for ever gets at, difficult to bear.

Have'nt met anyone this kind so far!!!!!

On Thursday night around 7.30 pm, I have an appointment with my Prof. Parked my car in the parking lot around 7.29 pm, running upstairs literally. Second floor, kind of running in the hallway to find his office. He comes very rare to his office, so I almost forgot his office. When I found it, and heard a voice inside his room, alas I felt at ease. I did not make him wait, someone is in the office yet. Well, that person left in about a minute or two. My turn! Cant believe I am meeting my Professor after almost a year. He is talking, his turn. I am looking at his face, his eyes. His face is so glowing, his words are so soothing, his look is so assuring, his kindness is overflowing. Dont have a clue as to how old he would be. Must be young; What a maturity! What a professionalism! . I left his office and walking to the parking lot. His face would never leave my mind, thought. Am driving under the speed limit in fact, thinking I am blessed to have met that noble man! Meeting such a noble man gives me a whole different meaning to my life. Yes I still have hope. I still can achieve my dream. I still can have dream as long as such wise people are out there to lend a hand. I am still not dead. I found something about myself and am totally live.

My son - My Krishna!

He was eight years old. He loves corduroy pants. It was in laundry. I was working at Xerox at that time. Came back from work, cooked dinner, finished kitchen work. Time to go to bed, but need to finish the laundry and keep that corduroy pants ironed for tomorrow's school for my son. So made sure not to sleep, finished the laundry. Kept his favorite shirt and pant ironed, felt very satisfied, went to sleep. Next day morning, around 6.15 am, woke up. My son was already in the shower. I was making preparations for his breakfast and lunch, he came to kitchen. But totally in a ripped jeans, and some t-shirt. I was so tired even to yell, but was very upset. I took so much time in ironing, laundry, and all that, this kid was wearing something totally different. Well, I gave him breakfast, did not open my mouth (which was unusual). He was about to leave the house, looked at me and said, "Bye ma". I nodded my head. I knew he knew I was upset. He was opening the garage door, oh turns around, "Amma, you know why I am not wearing the corduroy today, we are going hiking in school and I dont want to spoil your hardwork. I will wear it tomorrow". Wow! That moments of keeping silent helped me learn a big lesson from that little wise guy. I dont know how many times I thanked God for not yelling at that kid that day.

Who am I?

During school days, when we studied about Dr.Ida Scudder and Mother Theresa, felt such qualities in myself and dreamt one day of becoming such noble role model, is that part of me dead now? At a very young age, in a road full of people, while crossing, holding an old man's hand or a child's, help them cross the road (not just once), everytime I happen to walk, I did that. When someone is hungry, sharing something with that person, not just once, many many times. Very young age, while the world near me was watching TV on a Sunday evening, took a walk with my friends analysing how best I can differ from ordinary way of life and be very productive, walk in the path of my role models. Helped neighbors buy groceries, newspaper, medicine. Smiled a lot, smiled a lot. Till today, that remains as the only possession. Little little things at that young age made lot of sense now. How did things go wrong? Am I a bad person? I dont think so. It is not just wanting to be a good person, many many little tasks that followed the good thoughts. How did I fail? What did I want to achieve? Where do I stand now? Really, one question keeps haunting me.....WHO AM I?

Swadesh!

New hindi movie telecast in Pittsford Plaza theatre in lieu of Tsunami fundraising. By the time I went to the theatre, it was so fully packed. Seats were all assigned. I got this J1 ticket, and it was so dark inside. There was a guy with a flash light, I had to wait until he came to me. He helped me find the seat, far left side corner seat, with three college girls seated in the same row. Well, movie had already started. There was this big press conference in which Shah Rukh Khan and other Nasa officials were bombarded with questions about their next satellite invention. Trying to stay focussed and started watching the movie. Movie took me back to India, songs were so soothing, tears were rolling down the cheeks heavily often. Movie brought out a gentle love story, patriotism, passion towards India, and more than all, a sense of belongingness. Those days Shankar used to tell me, "Hey Nalin, we all should remain together. We should never leave each other. You know I feel we can do it." I used to laugh at him. Tonight, feeling the loss of togetherness is all that comes to my mind. Seeing that in the movie brought back nothing but only tears. Very few movies touched me, Life is Beautiful, Payback, Nayakan, and now this. Swades makes me restless; makes me rethink priorities; makes me realize what is important;

Tsunami

It was a saturday evening. Around 8 pm Eastern US time, I called home (India) to check if dad was doing ok. Could not get through the line at all. I am trying 20 minutes, 40 minutes, 60 minutes, 1.30 minutes, 2 hours....got fed up. I have never had this trouble even once before. Something wrong. I imagined maybe dad's health got worse, so they were in the hospital. Well if that was the case, why did'nt the bell ring? So confused, fine, for one last time, let me give another try. I got it. I got the line. My niece came crying, "Aunt, guess what happened here?" I said, "Calm down first. Tell me now". Oh boy, how rude I was to that little girl! She said, "Mom is crying. Well things started falling in the house, we felt a shake, hence mom, dad, myself we all ran downstairs...however we forgot to take grandpa with us. But when we all went down, and still heard the noise of things falling down in houses, saw many people crying and running downstairs, street got filled, we realized we left grandpa upstairs. Then my dad rushed and brought grandpa down." Wow I could'nt believe what she described. For about two hours, no one entered their houses it seems. I consoled my sister, niece, dad, brother in law and kept the receiver down. I told my sister not to worry about material losses. But thanked God for keeping them alive and safe. After hearing their experience, I got shook.

Marina Beach - My college is close to the beach. I studied in Queen Mary's College. How many childhood days we have spent in that beach close to those waves, building sand castles! mmm. How many days dad used to walk along those shore? What a memory and what an end!

Ecommerce - Class Chat!

Tonight we discussed about Semantic Web. Prof. Garrison is good at these chats. He creates a stir and while at the peak of discussion, class ends. After that, it takes time for me to get out of that mood, topic for sometime. I like that feeling. However, continuation of that topic in class discussion folder is not as interesting as in these chats.

Writing!

I remember, when I was in 10th grade, I started writing diary. But not daily. Just on weekly basis. Later on, I realized I loved writing. How can I ever forget these?

"Hey Oli, do you like me?"; "No Jen, I just dont like you", Jen could'nt believe what she heard; Oli continued, "I love you so much".

"Jen, are'nt you coming for the soccer game tonight?",
"Oli, why should I?";
"Jen, becoz I am playing".

"Unexpected things have started happening and that too, in series of events which I wish not to elaborate, since, I know the person to whom I write, is the most understandable one though not appears to be so...."

My two books, "Love Thy Customer!" - based on my professional life, "From Cradle to Court!" --based on personal life, are yet to be finished and published.

Wow, my first blog!

Today is 01/03/05. Cant believe Shankar is gone and it is five years now. What can I say? Though at times, finding it hard to breathe when I think of him. But life goes on. Glad dad is ok by God's grace. Deepa deserves a better life. Kar needs to play more tennis this year. O Boy, what a lovely kid he is. Thank you Kichhu Kutty for blessing me with such a gem!

It was interesting when Robo called me around 4.00 pm to discuss about various religions. Three questions, mind boggling to me though, were put forth by him. Wow, how many issues went unnoticed in life. It is difficult to change my views, but can explore, I have no problem.

Well, first I need to finish up this assignment tonight. I cant prolong these topics anymore:
1. Semantic Web.
2. System Architecture and User Requirements.

Are you jealous Aish?